Anyone who’s been in a long distance relationship knows that it’s not for the faint of heart. Some people might turn up their noses at your long distance relationship announcement. Others will give you the puppy eyes and the “it’s going to be okay” speech. However, what most won’t give you, is actual advice on how to get through it.
The one question almost anyone wants answered when they realise their relationship is going to be spread across distances is the obvious – how do you make it work?
Rolene Strauss, former Miss South Africa circa 2014 and Miss World of the same year recently shared her personal long distance journey with her husband D’niel Strauss, and it’s definitely worth taking a few notes from.
@rolenestrauss/Instagram
Taking to Instagram, Strauss started off by sharing that “these types of relationships don’t always survive their winter seasons” before spilling the relationship advice tea on how they can. No gatekeeping from our former Miss SA detected!
Strauss and her husband managed long distance for over 6 years – two of which they were married, and one where they were parents. You might be thinking “that’s a tough one”, and Strauss herself didn’t shy from agreeing.
But, tough doesn’t always mean impossible, and there are tried and tested ways to make the waters of your journey smoother and easier to navigate.
Here are Rolene Strauss’s tips on making long distance work:
1. Commit to each other
“Right from the start D’Niel and I made the decision to commit to each other and knew that we were in it for the long run. We chose each other and chose to trust one another, to be gentle, and to put in the hard work.”
Strauss’s tip also ties in with experts’ advice that reads “create long-term plans for merging your worlds”.
Commitment and long-term plans go hand-in-hand, because if you and your partner don’t have a goal (whether it’s to live in the same place or eventually settle down) this can be a huge source of conflict. Conflict breeds distance and distance, while you’re already what feels like worlds apart, doesn’t exactly scream ‘secure relationship.’
Committing to each other and to your goals is all-important to make your worlds feel closer.
2.Build a strong foundation
“We knew that if we can stand this test of time (and distance), our relationship will be rock solid. We used this time to develop a strong foundation that was built on good communication, unconditional respect, and patience for one another,” shares Rolene.
Building a strong foundation is naturally easier when you’re with your partner. But when you’re apart, communication (and comprehension) become the main characters. Kate Engler, licensed marriage and family therapist shares that learning to communicate well is “the foundation of every relationship”. Long distance relationships “require more explicit types of verbal communication” according to Engler.
Without body language to give you tells, you have to be more straightforward about what you need, and respect your partner in the same way.
3. Live in the present
Strauss shares: “We had to learn how to live in the present, and decided to embrace every season and moment. When we were together, we were together! We focussed on each other and let go of any distractions. We tried to not overthink the goodbyes, but rather saw them as an opportunity for the heart to grow fonder again.”
As life and many songwriters remind us often, all we have is the present. It’s so important to fully embrace it, and truly allow yourself to enjoy it.
And, for the times you want to feel your partner in your present space, Patrick Cheatham, PsyD has some relationship tea handy.
He advises that sharing physical reminders of each other is one powerful way to keep your partner present even when they can’t be. It could be as simple as their favourite brand of ice cream in your freezer (even if you don’t like it) or their T-shirt in your closet. There are so many ways to feel people’s energy when they aren’t around, and keeping little souvenirs from them is just one way to do this.
Strauss adds a gentle reminder to her list: A long distance relationship could be a blessing in disguise.
True for many reasons. Could it be the ultimate tester for the strength of your specific relationship? Absolutely. How about a rocky one? That too. A determiner of whether long distance is for you? Absolutely.
Remember, long distance isn’t for everyone. It doesn’t always mean that your relationship is a failure if it doesn’t work, or if you personally can’t do it. Every relationship is different and unique to the people who are in it! But, if you’re going to take the long road, a little advice never hurt.
ALSO SEE:
Communication advice that anyone in any relationship needs to hear
Feature Image: @rolenestrauss/Instagram
