A new psychology review has men up in arms, but what’s the fuss? According to Psychology Today, navigating modern dating has not been kind to men as the “rise of lonely, single men” grips the world.
The review suggests that young and middle-aged men are the loneliest they’ve ever been in generations and that the troubling trend is only going to get worse.
“Over the last 30 years, men have become a larger portion of that growing group of long-term single people.”
Now, being in a relationship certainly doesn’t equal happiness but a number of studies reveal that men are typically happier and healthier when they are partnered.
So, what’s stopping them from finding love?
Author Greg Matos, who is a board-certified couple and family counsellor, revealed three key factors when it comes to this interesting trend.
First on the list are dating apps. Online dating is a major component when seeking new romantic connections and with nearly 62% of users on these apps being men, women are having trouble with so many options.
However, the biggest driving force is a change in how women view relationships – “dating opportunities for heterosexual men are diminishing as healthy relationship standards increase.”
One of the biggest outcries from women aged 25 – 45 is the fact that they’re looking for men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values, and it doesn’t look like modern men are meeting these reasonable standards.
This leads us to the third point: skills deficits. According to Matos, these standards set by women are causing a relationship skills gap which will eventually lead to fewer dating opportunities, “less patience for poor communication skills, and longer periods of being single for men” – yikes!
“The problem for men is that emotional connection is the lifeblood of healthy, long-term love. Emotional connection requires all the skills that families are still not consistently teaching their young boys.”
But despite the terrible prognosis, there is a glimmer of light at the end of the dating tunnel, but it may be a tough pill to swallow for some men still swimming in a sea of toxic masculinity.
“Level up your mental health game. That means getting into some individual therapy to address your skills gap. It means valuing your own internal world and respecting your ideas enough to communicate them effectively. It means seeing intimacy, romance, and emotional connection as worthy of your time and effort,” as Matos so eloquently puts it.
Unfortunately, change is unlikely to happen overnight, but Matos notes that the key to transformation begins with men, but only if they’re willing to go all-in.
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