Weaponised incompetence has gradually infiltrated talks on relationships in recent years. If you don’t know what this means, it simply refers to instances when a partner pretends to not know how to do something to manipulate you into taking over the task.
While this form of emotional and psychological manipulation is often reserved for romantic relationships, it can occur in friendships and professional relationships too. Over time, it can have a profound impact on someone’s mental health and relationship dynamics.
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Defining weaponised incompetence
Weaponised incompetence goes beyond simple laziness or lack of skill. It is a strategic and deliberate act where a person pretends that they can’t perform a task or does it so poorly that someone else is forced to take over.
Mostly, you’ll find that weaponised incompetence is rooted in power dynamics and shirking responsibilities.
The roots of weaponised incompetence are multifaceted. They can stem from traditional gender roles, where, for instance, men may feign inability in domestic tasks. In a professional context, however, it can emerge from a desire to evade tedious or challenging tasks, thereby offloading them to colleagues.
- In Personal Relationships: Often seen in domestic settings, one partner may consistently perform a task poorly, like laundry or cooking, leading the other to take over. This behaviour can lead to an unequal distribution of household labour and emotional burden.
- In the Workplace: Here, it might manifest as a colleague who constantly needs help with basic tasks, a manager who delegates their responsibilities to subordinates without justification, or an employee who avoids tasks by claiming ignorance.
Recognising weaponized incompetence
Recognising this behaviour is the first step in addressing it. Signs include:
- Consistent failure to complete tasks adequately despite having the ability to do so.
- A pattern of requiring excessive assistance for basic tasks.
- A clear imbalance in the distribution of labour benefits the individual displaying incompetence.
This can also happen in friendships, especially if the incompetence has developed into one friend carrying the emotional burden of being a friend, such as making plans and consistently being there for the other friend
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The ripple effects
If left unchecked, this manipulative behaviour can lead to one partner eventually feeling burnt out, undervalued, and overwhelmed. The unbalanced division of labour can also lead to resentment and a breaking down of trust.
In a professional setting though, this behaviour can create a a toxic work environment and culture. This potentially leads to decreased morale and increased burnout among employees. The individuals overloaded with tasks may experience heightened stress levels and decreased job satisfaction, while the organization as a whole suffers from reduced productivity and efficiency.
Addressing the issue
Once you’ve identified this kind of behaviour, it can be difficult, but it involves open communication and setting boundaries.
This could mean having honest discussions about fair distribution of tasks, providing appropriate training or resources, or in some cases, disciplinary actions in a professional setting. It’s important to approach these conversations with empathy but also with clarity about expectations and consequences.
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