Have you ever waved away a compliment from someone because it caught you off-guard? Or maybe you respond with humour at your expense to get rid of that inner uncomfortable feeling. Why is it so difficult to accept compliments? Find out, and learn ways to help you receive praise more easily.
ALSO SEE: Unmasking imposter syndrome, the ultimate confidence killer
So many times, women find it difficult to accept well-intentioned compliments from others, and dismiss them. Often it causes an uncomfortable feeling every time someone says something nice about your hair, outfit, or even character trait. Sometimes, it’s even followed by a verbal dismissal, a self-deprecating comment or a joke to deflect attention. But what exactly hides behind such a visceral feeling? And can we train ourselves to be kinder to ourselves?
Low self-esteem
If you find yourself feeling unsettled when someone pays you a compliment, it may mean that you harbour a negative view of yourself, even if you appear confident. If you behave as if you’re incapable or unworthy, it can feel strange when someone else says the opposite. As a result, you dismiss the comment, or even feel like it’s dishonest or misplaced.
Have we misunderstood humility?
Years of conditioning made women believe that they should be modest and humble, and not come across as conceited, so when you accept praise, it feels wrong. However, it’s all a bit theatrical when you think about it. True humility is not being self-effacing — it’s being quietly confident in your abilities and not feeling the need to either boast about them or hide them.
Imposter syndrome
Some of the world’s most competent women suffer from imposter syndrome. It’s the fear of being a ‘fraud’ and being found out, despite proving yourself over and over. This is why it feels uncomfortable to accept compliments.
How to get better at accepting praise
Realising that it’s also difficult to dole out compliments might make it easier to accept them. Here’s how you can practise:
- Take it at face value: Don’t look for hidden motives, take the compliment in the moment. It’s about you, not them.
- Simply say thank you: Thank them without the need to deflect with humour.
- Consider the intention: You might not agree with them, but silently acknowledge the intent behind the words.
- Mind your body language: Show genuine appreciation by smiling and making eye contact.
- Own your success: Make it a conversation starter by talking about how hard you worked on your goal.
- ‘What if it’s true?’: If you find it difficult to believe the compliment, ask yourself ‘what if it’s true?’ Dare to believe in yourself like someone else does.
The bottom line
Compliments are life’s little sweeties. They add loveliness to a sometimes grey world. So when someone gifts you one, learn to accept compliments without hesitation. Every time you do, you affirm your own worth.
ALSO SEE:
Unlearning the need to be low maintenance and relearning self-worth
Featured images: Pexels
