For years, being low maintenance was framed as a compliment. “She’s easy. She doesn’t ask for much. She’s chilled. She goes with the flow”.
Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that taking up less space made us more lovable. That, needing less made us more desirable. That, wanting more – time, care, reassurance, rest, effort – was something to apologise for.
But what if the goal was never to be low maintenance at all?
Where the “low maintenance” ideal came from
The idea of being low maintenance didn’t appear out of nowhere. It was quietly reinforced through relationships, pop culture, social media and even wellness narratives.
We watched women be praised for not needing reassurance, not complaining, not asking for help or being “fine” with the bare minimum.
Over time, many of us internalised the belief that needs are inconvenient and that expressing them risks being seen as difficult, dramatic or demanding.
So we adapted. We softened our asks. We pre-emptively dismissed our own desires. We learned how to survive on crumbs and call it independence.
When low maintenance becomes self-abandonment
There’s a difference between being self-sufficient and being self-silencing.
Being low maintenance often looks like saying “it’s okay” when it’s not, over-functioning so no one has to show up for you, minimising your needs to avoid conflict or convincing yourself you don’t need what you deeply want.
At some point, it stops being about ease and starts becoming a form of self-abandonment. You’re not low maintenance—you’re just carrying everything alone. And that weight adds up.
High standards are not the same as high maintenance
Here’s the reframe we desperately need. Having needs does not make you demanding. Having standards does not make you difficult.
Wanting clear communication, consistency, emotional safety, thoughtfulness, rest, care and softness doesn’t mean you’re asking for too much. It means you’re asking for what’s sustainable.
The right people, environments and relationships won’t see your needs as a burden. They’ll see them as information and an invitation to meet you where you are.
Unlearning looks like discomfort before freedom
Unlearning the need to be low maintenance isn’t glamorous. It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable. It often feels like you’re doing something wrong at first.
It looks like pausing before automatically saying “don’t worry about it”, letting yourself ask, even if your voice shakes, allowing someone else to care for you and trusting that you don’t need to earn rest or affection.
You might fear being “too much.” You might worry people will leave. But the truth is – the ones who disappear when you express a need were never meant to stay.
Choosing to take up space
You’re allowed to want a life that feels considered, supported and intentional. You’re allowed to need softness without justifying it. You’re allowed to be held, helped and met.
Unlearning low maintenance is really about relearning self-worth.
It’s choosing to believe that you don’t need to shrink to be loved.
That ease doesn’t come from silence, it comes from alignment.
And that the most powerful thing you can do is let yourself take up space, exactly as you are.
You were never meant to be low maintenance. You were meant to be well cared for.
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