We owe it to ourselves to speak to ourselves with kindness and compassion, just like we would with our loved ones. Sometimes negative self-talk can put a damper on mental health, making us live in misery. Learn how to gently soften that pesky inner critic and build self-trust over time.
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Negative self-talk is quiet and hidden. It’s a voice that feels like your own, but it’s not. It questions your worth, your ‘enough-ness’, and criticises your appearance and interactions with others. This inner dialogue is frightfully automatic, but the good news is, it can be softened by being aware, and of course practice.
What it sounds like
Negative self-talk isn’t obvious. It appears as a small thought: I should be better at this, Why can’t I get this right?, or Everyone else seems to have it figured out! We rarely challenge these thoughts because they feel familiar. So we think they’re true and allow them to determine how we behave. Sometimes, we shrink and live small, unremarkable lives.
Where does the inner critic come from?
Imagine a baby learning to walk or use tools – they’re focused on learning, not criticising themselves. So the internal voice is learned, often developed by early life experiences, comparison or criticism from others, before we’ve learned how to process critique. Sometimes, it stems from cultural expectations. In many instances, that voice exists to ‘protect’ us, to help us avoid rejection or failure.
Interrupt the thought, don’t fight it
The first step is to identify it, then to disrupt the flow. Fighting negative self-talk will make it louder. Instead, notice it calmly. Ask yourself: Would I say this to someone I love? A thought is not the same as a belief, and once you differentiate between the two, it weakens the power of the thought.
Mind the language you use with yourself
You may think you need to bombard yourself with positivity. But this can feel forced. Simply replace harsh language with kind or neutral alternatives, and see how it goes. You can say, This didn’t go as planned, instead of I always mess up. Stating an overly positive affirmation or idea can feel like you’re lying to yourself. Subtle shifts can build self-trust and will pay off over time.
Habits to support kinder self-talk
Reinforce healthy dialogue with daily practices. Journal your thoughts, limit your social media to reduce comparison, and consciously speak to yourself with compassion.
Final thoughts
We can’t silence negative self-talk entirely, but we can process it differently, and make it lose its grip. The critical inner voice is often an amalgam of others’ unkind voices. But they don’t get to influence your life. So with practice, make space for self-love. Speak life into yourself.
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Feature image: Pexels
