You should come to a relationship already whole. But sometimes love can feel so intense that we lose ourselves. Learn how to address codependent relationship dynamics, set boundaries, creating a space to grow together.
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There’s nothing that feels more rewarding than pouring love into another person. It is a beautiful thing! However, things can get tricky when your sense of self, emotional safety and worth are all wrapped up in them. Codependent relationships sometimes feel intense and meaningful but they can leave the one or both parties feel anxious or drained. Feel familiar? Here’s how to address it in a realistic and gentle way.
Recognising the signs
It’s important to note that codependency isn’t a character flaw. It can stem from childhood trauma, family dynamics or negative experiences from the past. Whenever you have felt as though love was conditional or transactional, this could be the root of the issue. Bring awareness to it, but withhold judgement.
Codependency can show up as people-pleasing, difficulty with setting boundaries, fear of conflict, or feeling as though you have to regulate or carry your partner’s emotions. You either prioritise their needs above yours, or you feel guilty for wanting space or independence.
Reconnect with your own needs
In a codependent relationship, your own needs can disappear or you may feel like you’re losing your identity. This is the time you have ask yourself what you need, feel and what energises you. Introduce solo hobbies, seeing your own friends rather than mutual ones. Also allow yourself to make small decisions without checking in. This will build confidence over time as you begin to trust yourself.
Set and enforce boundaries
A healthy relationship thrives on emotional, physical and psychological boundaries. You should have the freedom to say ‘no’ without over-explaining. Also allow your partner to manage their own feelings and resist the urge to ‘fix’ everything. This will be uncomfortable at first, especially if you tend to avoid conflict. Boundaries can feel threatening in codependent relationships but they are essential. And if your partner resists, you have a good idea of what you need to do next.
Seek support
When addressing codependence, couple’s therapy can be quite transformative. If you feel the relationship is worth saving, seek out a therapist, in order to unpack underlying issues and learn better ways of relating. Besides therapy, you can consider support groups, reflective journaling or speaking with trusted friends. These can make you feel less alone and more grounded in your identity.
Final Thoughts
Love doesn’t have to mean self-sacrifice. Your world should expand, not shrink, in a loving relationship. Dealing with codependency is about creating space where both partners can show up for each other, instead of one person living with unmet needs.
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