Female friendships are hard but they’re worth cultivating. If you struggle to build relationships with other women, there is a reason you may not be fully aware of. Discover how to navigate adult female connections and how to sustain them for years to come.
ALSO SEE: Toxic friendships: what they are and how to spot them
Female friendships can be deeply meaningful. They offer support, a sense of belonging and shared experience. But they’re also some of the most complex relationships among women. If you’re finding it difficult to build and maintain them, it feels confusing. The good news is struggle with female friendships are more common than we admit, but by doing some introspection, you can learn how to sustain them.
You’re carrying old narratives
Many of us grew up with subtle messages that women are competitive. Due to years of unfair treatment, women have had to compete for some things. This can lead to catty-ness or jealousy. Whether they were shaped by school and societal dynamics or media portrayals, these beliefs can linger into adulthood, without being aware of its effects on our behaviour. If you expect betrayal or comparison, you’ll subconsciously keep your guard up and it’ll be harder to form authentic connections.
Awareness is powerful here. Ask yourself whether you’re reacting to the woman, or an old story about the woman. Examine the script and change it.
You’re in a comparison cycle
Social media has made us exposed to extremely curated lives, and this fuels comparison. This is true about careers, relationships, appearance and motherhood. If every interaction you have with another woman feels like a silent measuring contest, friendship becomes exhausting rather than nourishing.
Connection starts with vulnerability. It can be daunting at first but when you allow yourself to be seen – flaws and all – you give others permission to do the same.
Your life stage has changed
Friendship dynamics often change with life transitions: a new career, marriage, divorce, motherhood. The women who once aligned may be in a different season. Think of times when you’ve felt hurt by a friend who’s gotten married and now spend time with other married women. Building new friendships requires intention. You may need to initiate plans or expand your horizons. Get a hobby group or join a professional network to foster new connections.
Your mother’s relationship with women may be complex
We tend to mirror our mother’s ways of navigating relationships. Sometimes – not always – if our mother didn’t have a big friend group, her children will follow a similar pattern. Simply because her children didn’t see an example of healthy female friendships modelled. This is how generational patterns get repeated. Try to break these and form your own expectations of what you’d like to experience in a friendship.
The bottom line
Female friendships don’t have to be perfect. But they are meant to feel real and reciprocal. If you’ve struggled with forming friendships, it doesn’t mean you’re bad at it. It simply means you have some unlearning to do – that’s a sign of growth. Be intentional about the company you keep, and remember you’re not here to compete or outdo any woman. Female friendships can be some of the most valuable relationships you’ll have.
ALSO SEE:
Featured image: Pexels
