Many adult children notice their children becoming more dependent as they age. It can feel overwhelming at times, but knowing why it happens may invite some insight and empathy. Learn how to support them while still protecting your mental well-being.
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If you are the child of an ageing or elderly parent, you may have noticed a shift in the relationship dynamic. They may want you to visit more often, call more frequently, or they depend on you more for emotional support. Perhaps they’re much more affectionate than you ever remember them being. This can feel overwhelming, but understanding the reason behind this behaviour can help you move forward with greater empathy.
Why some older parents become more dependent
Life circumstances:
Careers provide daily structure, a sense of purpose and social interaction. It takes up a huge chunk of life, and when people go into retirement, all that is removed. Their children then become their primary source of connection and meaning.
Loss:
Older people are more likely to have experienced the death of a spouse, siblings or friends and neighbours. Their social circle is becoming smaller, and as loneliness sets in, they rely more on family.
Health:
Reduced mobility, physical limitations and concerns of ageing all contribute to older parents relying more on their children. They may be feeling vulnerable and seek the reassurance of loved ones.
Losing touch with the world:
It can be devastating to witness your parents – who once were heroes in your eyes – lose touch with a rapidly changing world. Concerns about finances, the future, technology, independence and declining health can make older parents seek more frequent contact and emotional support.
How to respond without feeling guilty
You can still maintain healthy boundaries that’s beneficial to all parties. You don’t have to be available at all times. Communicate when you will be available for calls and visits. Being consistent provides reassurance and prevents unrealistic expectations.
Encourage your parents to engage in hobbies, community projects with their own age mates, and friendships to help them build connections outside the family.
Self-care for adult children
Caring for an ageing parent can stir up complex emotions such as guilt, frustration and sadness especially if you still have unresolved feelings from your own childhood. It can often feel like a reversal of roles.
Make time for your own relationships, interests and rest. Share responsibilities with siblings or family members. Supporting others is difficult when your own needs are neglected.
Final thoughts
Remember that you’re not necessarily dealing with a ‘clingy’ parent. You’re seeing in real time the changing of family dynamics, where your parent is perhaps trying to show attention where they couldn’t before. But with the proper boundaries and compassion, you can preserve the relationship and protect your well-being.
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