Who are you outside of your role as mother or caregiver? You might wonder about that after years of putting child-rearing at the forefront. Now that the kids are grown, you have the opportunity to reconnect with your partner or spouse – not in order to return to the person you were before children, but to meet each other as older and wiser people.
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When building a family, a relationship can often take a back seat as it’s centred on school runs, homework, work schedules and bedtime routines. Years can pass in a blur of responsibilities and couples will sometimes wonder who they are when parenting is no longer the main event.
When the children are grown and out the house, it can be an opportunity to rediscover each other. The goal, however, is not to recreate the relationship you had before the kids, but to get to know the versions you have become in the process.
Start with small moments
Reconnection is not necessarily about a big vacation or a grand gesture. Begin by making space for ordinary moments at home – this is after all the reality you’ll live with for years to come. Have a coffee without discussing admin or household issues. Have a walk after supper or sit together without reaching for your phones.
Small consistent moments of deliberate attention can rebuild intimacy and remind you that you are partners and lovers, not just co-parents.
Talk about more than the children
It’s difficult, yes, because it’s perhaps become part of your identity. So it can feel strange to talk about yourselves again. Explore questions that involve just the other person – questions you haven’t asked in years: What are you looking forward to? What would you like to experience still? What are you interested in?
You may be delightfully surprised to find out how you and your partner have changed.
Make room for romance
We all know as we age, hormones change and therefore physical intimacy. But affection doesn’t have to. Holding hands, a hello kiss, cuddling on the sofa or going on an actual date can restore a sense of closeness.
And don’t forget flirting. There’s nothing like a bit of playfulness to bring a sense of lightness to a relationship.
Create something new together
Don’t be tempted to return to the past. Consider what the next chapter will look like. Plan a trip, take up a hobby, or even renovate a room together. The goal is to establish a ritual just the two of you share.
The bottom line
The years of raising children may have shaped your relationship – it’s a huge responsibility and accomplishment. But those years don’t have to define you. Your job in shaping the lives of your children is half done – now is the time to remember why you started a life together in the first place. And it can be a wonderful stage as you reconnect and fall in love all over again.
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