You get an invite to a party. You feel anxious because ‘what if I make a fool of myself‘. You decline – and tell yourself the reason is that you’re an introvert… But are you really? Or are you avoiding the interaction because of fear. Introversion is different from avoidance, and this is how you can distinguish between the two.
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Sometimes introverts are perceived as merely shy and antisocial people. While this is not always true, some people do have a certain anxiety, fear or emotional discomfort when they’re with others and tend to withdraw. So how do you determine whether your behaviour is driven by a genuine preference for solitude (introversion) or anxiety (avoidance)?
Understanding the difference can help you identify what you need – and when you may be holding yourself back.
What does it mean to be an introvert?
Introversion is a personality trait. Socialising can actually be enjoyable, but too much interaction can leave them feeling drained. Introverts tend to feel more energised by quiet environments, and they get more meaning out of one-on-one conversations.
An introvert might happily decline an invite to a gathering with lots of people to spend a quiet evening alone. But here’s the important part: the choice does’t come from a place of fear or distress. It’s simple their preference.
What does avoidance look like?
Where introversion is a personality type, avoidance is behaviour. It’s deliberately avoiding situations, people, or experiences because it might trigger anxiety, fear, embarrassment or feeling overwhelmed.
Someone might avoid driving because they’re scared of making a mistake. They might skip events because they fear being judged, or let opportunities pass because they’re afraid of failing.
The key distinction is that avoidance can restrict your life. You may want to do something but feel unable to face the discomfort that goes with it.
How can you tell the difference?
Here’s why self-talk is important. Ask yourself why you’re withdrawing whenever you feel that resistance in your body.
If you choose solitude because it’s restorative, you’re simply honouring your naturally introverted nature. If you’re avoiding something you really want to do because you’re afraid, it’s avoidance. Another useful question is: Is this choice shrinking or expanding my life?
Don’t confuse the two
Be careful not to dress up avoidance as introversion in order to justify your withdrawal from living. Introversion doesn’t prevent you from forming relationships, pursuing opportunities or enjoying new experiences. Avoidance, however, can make your life feel smaller.
The bottom line
If avoidance is interfering with your everyday life, career, or relationships, consider speaking to a mental health specialist. Understanding the fear behind certain behaviours can be the first step to changing it. Who knows – you may even feel free enough to identify and express your true personality type.
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Featured image: Unsplash
