Why is it that women have to be perfect mothers with successful careers? We explore the double standard placed on working moms.
For Claire Minnaar, life is a constant balancing act. Just like so many working moms in South Africa, she walks the tightrope of getting in enough working hours and spending sufficient time with her children. ‘I do contract work, so I have an hourly rate,’ says Claire, who started mommy blog momtrepreneur.co.za. ‘When I don’t work, I don’t generate an income.’
1. Get organised
Claire’s response to this challenge is to be super organised with her time. ‘That’s why working mothers make such productive employees,’ says Phillipa Geard, the founder of recruitmymom.co.za. ‘They’re highly focused on getting the task at hand complete, knowing that in a short space of time after they have arrived home, they will need to give their full attention to their family.’
2. Prioritise and ensure you have support
If you’re feeling worn out, you may suffer from Supermom Syndrome.‘You need to try set more realistic expectations of yourself as a mother and learn to delegate,’ asserts John Demartini, a human-behaviour expert. Prioritising what is really important to you will make a big difference. ‘Women who fill their days with their highest priorities will be inspired and also find meaning, whereas those who choose lower priorities will feel drained,’ says John. A flexible work arrangement also helps, as well as a good support structure. ‘If a working mom has no back-up, she’ll either let her employer down or disappoint her children,’ says Megan Faure, co-author of the Baby Sense series of books, who suggests having a full-time nanny or granny on hand to help. Sonja Visser, CEO of African Unity Life, believes you should have a support system that works for you and the family: ‘If your children are in good hands when you are not with them, the burden is halved.’
3. Aim for a defined
work-life integration Achieving a balance is not always easy. ‘If we can integrate work into the larger canvas of our lives and not see it as completely separate, then work-life integration does become possible,’ says Philippa. Corporate speaker Lori Milner of beyondthedress.co.za has this advice for working moms: ‘When you’re supposed to be working, work, and when you’re supposed to be playing, play.’ For her, it is all about spending quality – rather than quantity – time with her kids. Lori also recommends switching off devices as soon as you get home. ‘Get down to your child’s level. Be present. Switch off your cellphone, laptop and tablet, and switch on to the family.’
4. Make time for yourself
One final word of advice: Schedule regular me-time. ‘Learn to protect your boundaries and learn to say no,’ says Lori. ‘Whether it’s meeting up with a friend or going to gym, get into the habit of putting yourself in your calendar and you will start to feel like you are owning your days, instead of them owning you.’
[Image by Ketut-Subiyanto via Pexels]
