Your partner comes home after yet another grueling day at the office (even if said office is a makeshift room in your home). The bags under their eyes are starting to look like knock-offs. They can barely hold a conversation, and you have half the mind to call up their boss and give them a piece of yours.
Or maybe it’s you who keeps getting concerned looks from your partner, as you slave away dismally at a laptop that’s become part of your identity. They offer you the wrong snack or change their tone slightly and you’re ready to call your therapist (who is on speed dial at this point).
What’s going on?
It’s no secret that burn-out has become something of a buzzword in recent times. Everyone from your coworker to your oversharing neighbour has mentioned it at some point.
What is burnout?
Burnout doesn’t just happen because you’ve been putting out too much work and get stressed from time to time. The stress is almost always chronic, the pressure an aggressive monkey on your back.
Mayoclinic defines job burnout as “a special type of work-related stress — a state of physical or emotional exhaustion that also involves a sense of reduced accomplishment and loss of personal identity.”
But there are other kinds of burnout too— from parents to students, burnout can sneak up on anyone running on borrowed energy.
And, most of it is linked to two no-brainer factors: your environment and your mind.
Here’s how to let your burnt-out partner know you’re here for them, or what to ask your non-burnt out partner for as the year winds down:
1. Dates to recuperate when they have downtime
Anyone in a relationship with a busy bee would naturally want to ‘catch up’ on time ‘lost’ to the hustle. However, especially as we gear up for the new year, try not to present unrealistic adventures, grandiose date-night activities or energy consumptive trips. Instead, work around the spaces your partner feels most comfortable and able to switch off; whether that mean soft walks, slow films or dinner dates at home.
Remember, burnout doesn’t leave someone when they clock-off for the day, and all the things you may think are the epitome of a fantastic festive season might just drain the weening energy they have left.
2. A lighter load of responsibilities and reactions
There’s a well-shared saying that expresses: when your partner can only give 40% and they give that full 40%, they’re actually giving 100% of what they have. A well-oiled relationship requires give and take. So, if there are days when the dishes are done but the washing machine’s collecting dust, take initiative and help your partner without pointing out what they forgot to do in a negative fashion.
This doesn’t mean tolerating someone not pulling their weight. It simply means that on the days you can give that 60% or 80%, give it fully, and address matters kindly. On the days you’ve only got 20% to spare, let them know you need the extra assistance. Relationships are not a competition on ‘who can provide more’, but a partnership of love that guides us to give when we can and ask for what we need.
3. Hear them out, even if what they’re talking about sounds like Sims language
Love and wanting to be understood go hand-in-hand. However, when your industries or career paths are worlds apart, it doesn’t mean that it’s time for you to nod without actively listening.
Even if you still aren’t completely sure what the intricacies of your partner’s job entail, it’s important to understand the principle. And, even if something seems easy to you, the last thing you want to do is condescend someone.
4. Avoid adding ‘festive pressure’ to the table
The festive season amid all its joy and cheer is a time of pressure for many. When the shift ends late and the smug shopper swiped the last decent roll of wrapping paper, we’ve all felt like throwing in the festive towel at one point or another.
It goes without saying that partners can either make this a smooth-sailing time, or a nightmare. Make life simple for the burnt-out love of your life. Be specific about your gift lists instead of an ‘I don’t mind’. Share events with them in advance. Let them skip one of the many family dinners if they absolutely need the time to recover, and most importantly, avoid guilt-tripping. Moreover, don’t take their requests to cool down as personal, or a sign that you’re not valued.
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Are we ditching the 9 to 5 model for flexible working in SA?
Feature Image: Pexels
