Self-sabotage is a destructive behaviour because it keeps us from living our best lives. Learn how to identify the causes and what you can do to overcome limiting beliefs.
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We all want success, and most of us have long-term goals that will improve our lives. We often know the steps to get there, yet our behaviour doesn’t match our ambitions. Self-sabotage is when we consciously undermine our own progress, acting in ways that impede success in our careers, relationships and personal growth.
What causes self-sabotaging actions?
Why do we do this? Some neuropsychologists believe that self-sabotage is built into our neurobiology. The brain values familiarity and avoids discomfort; it can interpret change as a threat. So even when we long for success, a part of us resists it – especially if deep down we don’t believe we deserve it.
What it looks like
Self-sabotaging behaviours look different for everybody, but they can include:
- Procrastination
- Perfectionism
- Chronic lateness
- Negative self-talk & self-criticism
- Undermining relationships
- Fear of failure
- Self-medication
- Making excuses
- Neglecting self-care
How to fix it
The first step to breaking self-sabotage is shifting how you see yourself. Here are practical ways to start:
- Build self-awareness: Identify your goals and the behaviours holding you back
- Write it down: Track patterns, triggers and progress in a journal
- Challenge your thoughts: Replace self-criticism with positive self-talk
- Seek support: A therapist can help, especially if substance abuse is involved
- Set achievable goals: Honour promises to yourself with small steps
- Reframe failure: See mistakes as learning, not as proof of inadequacy
- Do hard things: Challenging tasks rewire the brain and reward you with progress (dopamine hit)
- Envision your future self: Align today’s habits with who you want to become
The most important project you’ll ever work on is yourself. Self-sabotage is not a character trait ,so don’t let it define you. With awareness, discipline and compassion, you can rewrite the patterns that hold you back and step into the life you deserve. It’s never too late.
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