Written by Shaneen Noble.
Most people would agree that etiquette – at least in the traditional sense – is dead. These are modern times and we don’t wish to be bound by rigid rules rooted in colonialist, classist and racist history, especially in our country. So the rejection of etiquette is understandable – it’s a cultural evolution. However, have we thrown out the baby with the bathwater?
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Etiquette, which is different than manners, is how you act in a structured environment (e.g using cutlery from the inside out during meal courses). Manners are how to practise kindness and consideration towards others – it’s an outward expression of your character.
Pexels / Karolina Grabowska
In an ever-evolving world – and evolve it must – we emphasise authenticity and casualness, but what happens when it’s used as an excuse to behave in inappropriate ways?
How we reframe the issue is by placing respect, kindness and awareness of others at the centre, and allowing it to be expressed in ways that are inclusive and context-dependent. An effort to adhere to essential principles is not a craving for old-world etiquette but rather courtesy, rooted in empathy, not performance.
Basic etiquette rules that still matter
- Listen without interrupting: Active listening is a rare and powerful courtesy.
- ‘Please’, ‘Thank You’, ‘Excuse me’: They signal recognition and care, especially in shared spaces like professional settings.
- Being on time: Punctuality shows respect and that you’re reliable. Communicate when you’ll be late.
- Personal space: Sympathies to those with sinus problems but that ‘grrrrrts grrrrrts’ sound near other people is quite jarring. Respect comfort levels, both physical and emotional.
- Introduce and acknowledge people in a room: People want and need to feel seen. A small act of inclusion prevents social awkwardness.
- Don’t dominate conversations: Emotional self-awareness is a form of etiquette now.
- Put phones away during meals or conversations: Presence is the new politeness. Scrolling while someone is talking is impolite.
- Apologise when you mess up: Accountability and humility are humanising.
- Respect cultural and identity differences: Adapt, don’t impose. Learn names and correct pronunciation of names, pronouns, dietary needs etc. It takes little effort.
- Generous with praise, gracious with criticism: Emotional intelligence is the new table manners. How we lift others up or give feedback speaks volumes.
The core idea is not to revive the stiff etiquette of the past, but to centre human dignity in our daily interactions. It’s not about perfection, but respect and presence. Common sense is also a powerful guideline. Gone are the days when etiquette was used as a gatekeeping tool to exclude people, instead small inclusive acts that consider the dignity of others can make a huge difference.
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Feature Image: Freepik
