Has your love life after a divorce or death of a partner come to a grinding halt?
The truth is, dating after 40 and online dating can be tough, and sometimes downright intimidating. And even though you accept that you need to put yourself out there – and try different avenues to meet new people, you may not find your soulmate in a pub or even through mutual friends.
The good news is the internet has opened up a whole new virtual space where you can safely explore the world of online dating – and find like-minded people who are also looking for love and want to succeed.
However, before you even create that profile and start flirting online, the key is to love yourself first, says Personal Development Specialist and Master Life Coach, Judy Klipin.
Focus on YOU first
If you’ve recently gotten divorced, spend the time you need to feel robust and confident before you start dating again, advises Judy. “When you’re in a good space emotionally and feel sure of yourself and what you bring to the world, it’s a good time to start dating again, but there’s no rush,” she says.
It’s critical to get to a place in your heart where you want to date again and share your life with someone, rather than feeling that you need to be in a relationship to avoid being alone. It’s also important to start with an open mind and sense of humour when you start dating again, she adds.
How to make online dating work for you
The trick to online dating success is to pick the right website for you. There are hundreds of online dating sites in South Africa- all with different tools and facilities which make them unique.
For instance, you can join some for free, while others are a lot more detailed, where the facilitators will ask you to sign up for a premium package and answer comprehensive questionnaires to set you up with the right match.
Before you put yourself out there, remember to proceed with caution, warns Judy. Online dating requires a healthy dose of intuition, discernment and scepticism.
Until you’ve learned the facts about the person you’d like to meet up with and gained some insight into their lives (meeting family and friends, seeing where they live, understanding their political and social views etc.) take it slow, she says.
Also be sure to:
- Take your feelings into account. Remember that “not being chosen” or being let down online can make you feel just as vulnerable as you would feel in the real world.
- Be sensible and safe. Put safety checks in place yourself. Meet the person at a neutral place the first time, don’t give them your address too soon, always tell someone where you’re going on the date etc.
- As with all dating, regard online dating as an experiment and see where it goes.
- Find someone who works for you – don’t just wait to be found by someone who you work for.
DISCLAIMER: The testimonials presented on this website are applicable to the individuals depicted only and may not be representative of the experience of others. The information provided within this site is strictly for the purposes of information only and is not a replacement or substitute for professional advice
A freelance writer and editor, with 15 years’ experience in the media industry. With a passion for health and fitness, Tammy loves nothing more than researching the latest wellness trends. And if she’s not running around after her sweet four-year old daughter, you’ll find Tammy on her bike, in the gym or exploring the great outdoors – followed by a good coffee, of course!