Save your marriage now and avoid divorce with these expert tips.
Dilemma: “My husband is self-employed and very secretive about it. He hides accounts and it’s impacting our relationship. How can I bring us closer together?”
Solution: Relationship expert, Janet Ellis says, “Money is tied with masculine pride and the old-fashioned idea that men provide, and there’s often a sense of shame If money is tight. Tell him that you know what’s really happening, it’ll make you feel safer and that you’re sure you can come up with a plan together, because you’re so much stronger as a couple.
“Stress that you’re proud of him in ways that have nothing to do with budgets and bills – and that your love for each other is the most valuable thing you share. Be kind to his injured pride, with openness and honesty.”
Dilemma: “I’ve always wanted sex more than my partner but 15 years into our marriage I’m getting fed up with being rejected. How can we keep both of us happy?”
Solution: Sex and Relationship counsellor, Phillip Hodson says, “His libido could be lower than yours but this question is often muddled up with power politics in the relationship. Does he actually want less sex or does he want more control over you by denying you more frequent sex?
“And similarly, do you actually need him to make love to you more often, or do you really want evidence that he cares about you? Many people seek out sex when what they actually want is to become less anxious. I suggest you go for sex therapy counselling to tease out and change these patterns which could become set in stone and harder to break later on.
Dilemma: “How do I reassure my jealous husband? I’ve recently lost weight and can wear sexier clothes but my husband keeps on making comments, putting my new outfits down and making me feel insecure. How can I make him feel less threatened by my weight loss?”
Solution: Janet Ellis says, “You must be feeling puzzled by your husband’s reaction – after all, you’re still the woman he married, maybe more so now than when you were overweight. The trouble is, you’re not the woman he’s been with through the fat years, still loving but protecting too. I’m guessing he kept you going through the diet and cheered at the scale’s good news. Then, when you lost the kilos, he lost his role.
“To avoid bigger issues down the line, you need to get him back in the team – when someone praises your achievement, thank him for his support with a cuddle. Make him your style advisor, by suggesting a morning in a lingerie department, helping you choose new underwear. Reinforcing that the new you is still his woman underneath might just be the tonic you need.
Dilemma: “I’ve recently re-married, but feel unhappy already. I lose my husband when his kids come to stay on weekends. What can I do to get a share of his attention?”
Solution: Phillip Hodson says, “It’s true that you do lose your husband a little when his children come to stay. He probably feels that he should overcompensate for the days he can’t see them. If you sulk or complain, he’s likely to grow defensive and depressed, or just angry.
“It’s better to try and join the gang rather than demand personal attention. So it’s off to museums, movies and putt-putt, where you can co-manage the experience with him, and the children will start to include you in their concept of this new family. There’s no use trying to compete with his children, as you all fulfil different roles.