Yes, you can find love later in life! From doing more for yourself to enrolling yourself in a new course, Personal Development Specialist and Master Life Coach, Judy Klipin, shares her top tips for dating after 40.
Fulfil your dreams
Work out more. Get your hair done and the more you do for yourself, the easier it becomes. Plus, you’ll more than likely meet people and make friends through that new yoga class or cooking demonstration you’ve always wanted to attend.
Look for the positives in life
Every morning, ask yourself the question, “What do I love about my situation right now?” Or better yet, keep a gratitude journal next to your bed and jot down all the reasons why you’re enjoying being single. By doing this, you’ll learn to be happy with yourself and thrive in life regardless of whether you find the one.
Rule out negative thought patterns
Set yourself free from any stories you’re telling yourself about how your situation should be different. Identify negative thoughts such as, “I’ll never find love again” or “I’m too old to be single” and understand that these are simply lies based on fear and not reality.
Don’t compare and despair
Stop looking at your life in relation to the “perfect” life you imagine your friends and family have. Social media has a way of only portraying happy families and smiling faces, but this is only a glimpse of the whole picture. No one has a perfect life and it’s time to accept yours as it is and strive to make it better.
“I always use an analogy of shoe shopping with my clients who are dating,” says Judy. When you’re looking for a new pair of shoes, you go shopping with the expectation that you’ll have to visit a few shops and try on a few pairs of shoes before finding the right one.
Some are the right size but the wrong style. Others are the right colour but don’t fit well. Dating is the same – it takes some effort and experimentation before finding the right fit. It’s also important to be in the right frame of mind to have the stamina to go shoe shopping!
Enjoy group activities
If you like hiking, join a hiking club, if you’re an avid reader try to find a good co-ed book club or reading group. This way you’ll enjoy what you’re doing and will more than likely meet someone with similar interests and passions.
Ask for help
Tell your friends and family that you’re looking for love and ask them to help you expand your social circle. There’s no shame in owning your desire to be partnered up and people will be happy to help if they can– everyone loves to make a good match!
Get out there
Accept invitations to whatever sounds good – you never know where it may lead. “I met my partner at a dinner party hosted by someone I met at a weekend away with friends,” says Judy.
Write a list
Not in a law of attraction way (although that may also work) but to help you get clarity on what you’re looking for in your next partner. A list can help you to identify the must-haves, the nice to haves and the under no circumstances.
Find clarity through contrast
Identify all the things that your ex used to do that upset you or you didn’t like and then define what the opposite of that would be. That way you can use something like “My ex-husband never listened to me when I was angry” to “I want to be with someone who wants to understand why I’m upset so that they can help me to feel better.”
Don’t take it too seriously
Try not to get too attached to having ‘successful’ dates. If you find yourself hoping and wishing that a potential partner finds you attractive, you may be very disappointed if they don’t ask to see you again. If, on the other hand, you go in with an open mind and fewer expectations, there’s a much greater chance that you’ll relax and enjoy yourself.
Find single friends to hang out with
Even if you don’t have a partner to socialise with, you can still embrace life and have a good time with your girlfriends.
Don’t obsess about being single
Live your life, do what makes you happy and when you’re ready, it will come!
People often make the same relationship mistakes over and over, says Judy. Until you work out why you’re making those mistakes, you’ll continue to do so. See a therapist or someone who can help you identify and understand your negative patterns and guide you in creating healthier ones.
Online coaching programme
Need some support? sign up for Judy’s online coaching programme, “Find Yourself In Love”.
This online coaching program will help you to:
- Understand your patterns (helpful and unhelpful) in relationships
- Work out where and why it goes wrong
- Stop losing yourself in your relationships
- Learn about communication and conflict in relationships
- Drop the drama and have a peaceful, yet exciting relationship
The interactive email programme costs R 750 and takes place over three weeks and consists of nine emails from Judy. Each email will briefly describe an idea or concept and set tasks that are designed to take the ideas off the page and into active reflection and movement.
You can start any time as the course is designed to be completed at your own pace, from your own space, in your own time. Visit Judy’s website here for more information.