Friendships are complex – sometimes they last for life, but other times they fizzle out. Priorities and needs change, and it’s okay to be honest about it. Here’s how you shift your perspective when you outgrow a friendship.
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We have arguably romanticised female friendships so much that it can be devastating when real-life friendships either break up or fizzle out. The reality is not every friendship is meant to last forever. Sometimes it’s as simple as values that have changed. Sometimes, a friendship that once felt like home start to feel unfamiliar, due to changing priorities – and that’s okay.
Outgrowing a friendships doesn’t mean that the person suddenly means nothing, or that anyone has done something wrong. It can simply mean that you’ve grown in different directions.
Notice what has changed
Before deciding that the friendship is really over, notice what you feel when you’re together. Do you leave get-togethers or conversations feeling drained or connected? Are you comfortable being yourself? Are you editing yourself all the time? Do you feel heard? Sometimes, these things tell you way more than a dramatic fallout ever could.
Allow the friendship to change
People change constantly, so why wouldn’t friendships? But just because it looks different doesn’t mean they have to end. You may no longer need the same level of contact, and that’s allowed. There’s nothing wrong with allowing the friendship to become less central to your life, instead of making a clean break.
Also keep in mind that just because someone is not your closest friend anymore, you can still appreciate them for playing the part they have in your life.
Be honest with yourself
Some people stay in a friendship because of history. They might think ‘We’ve known each other for so long’, and then feel guilty for wanting something different.
But you have to ask yourself if you’re maintaining the friendship because you truly value it, or if you’re scared of disappointing the other person. It’s okay to acknowledge that you’re simply no longer compatible.
If necessary, have the conversation
If you indeed have a long history with the person, it might feel weird to just drift away. If the other person expects an explanation or the relationship has become unhealthy, go ahead and have a conversation. You don’t have to play the blame game or justify your growth. A simple conversation about how your needs have changed can be enough – just be honest.
And remember that letting go of a friendship can involve grief. You can still miss them, appreciate the memories and the bond, and wish them well while accepting that you no longer have a spot in each other’s lives.
Final thoughts
Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that growing apart doesn’t erase the meaning of the friendship. Most often, it’s simply necessary so you can make space for who you are becoming.
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Featured image: Pexels
